Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
