Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
