just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
