i think my tv is drunk
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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