Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
