she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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