i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
