In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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