Ambien. No doubt about it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
