wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
