the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
