One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
