that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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