Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
