We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He felt like a one man threesome
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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