2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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