I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
