I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
