he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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