note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
