I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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