we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
