theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize