That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
