Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
