my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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