Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
