I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
