Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
