She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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