haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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