im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
