I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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