Just fell off a train. Bad.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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