Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
