Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize