You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think i have two assholes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
