do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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