hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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