woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
