Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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