im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
