go do what you do best...puke behind churches
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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