thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
