Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
