I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You took a bar mat shot.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
