He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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