How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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