im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
