You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
