giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
should my penis look like a turkey
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
