He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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