what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
