mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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