so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
