I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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