Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
