So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
