I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
