i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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