we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
