i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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