She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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