I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
