Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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