i need an iv and a liver transplant
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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