Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
