I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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