too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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