I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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