Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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