you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
