I like my sex mixed with concussions.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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