is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
