You're my little dorito
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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