Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
