im six kinds of drunk right now
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
