I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
