mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
