our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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