Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
