Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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